Fan Mail

Fan Mail from Sean Christensen on Vimeo.

This video reminds me of my weird habit of saying that I'm gonna write people fan letters, and then I never do. I don't think I ever have... OH WAIT. I wrote Michael Phelps a fan letter. I wish I photocopied that shit, its probably pretty funny. And just to clear things up, I've been a HUGE Michael Phelps fan since his debut in the 2004 Summer Olympics. I was 14 at the time, and I got on a swim team right away in hopes of becoming an Olympic swimmer and meeting him (or something). Anyways I did NOT write this letter when I was 14 and I no longer swim on a team or anything, I did the team thing for a year or so. Anyways, right before the 2008 Summer Olympics my feelings about swimming and Michael Phelps came swarming back. I decided I needed to write him a letter before the Olympics started. So I did, this means I was 18. HAHA. I'm sure this letter was cheesy, and I was thinking about the same things Sean Christensen brings up in his film. Oh well. I asked for a signature at the end of my letter, and I waited, and waited for a long time. Then one day, last Fall (2009) I got a text from my mom telling me a got a letter in the mail from Michael Phelps. I was beyond stoked, I was at some dinner with my friends and I got so excited I almost cried (I'm such a weirdo). Anyways eventually when I made it home, I opened the letter and I received a generic letter and a post card size photo with a printed signature. Sad. I still love Michael Phelps, but I was kind of disappointed.

One of the fan letters I said I was going to send but never did was going to be to Hal Fishman from KTLA news. I seriously said this FOR YEARS. Every time my parents watched the 10pm news I would tell my parents I was going to send him a fan letter. I was going to write to him to inform of how intelligent I thought he was and how he should run for president because he seemed to know everything, and had a legit solution to the world's biggest problems. Sadly, I never got the opportunity to send this letter because he died in 2007. Which is why I decided to send Michael Phelps my fan mail in 2008. And seriously, I would nominate Hal Fishman to be president of the world. He was so great.

Dear LOVELINE with Mike and Dr. Drew,

actually let me readdress this letter/rant/complaint:

Dear Dumb Bitches who call in to Loveline,
Why must you all complain about not being able to orgasm during sex?! I rarely listen to Loveline, the only time I hear it is when I am driving home from work late at night or for some random reason am driving at night time. But let me tell you 5 out of the 6 times I have listened to Loveline I hear some "DB" complain about not being able to orgasm, and how she feels its ruining her relationship. THEN, I always get to listen to Mike and Dr. Drew explain "You know its very common that woman can't orgasm from just penetration alone, there must be clitoris stimulation." I HAVE HEARD THIS OVER AND OVER. So now I will ask you DBs WHY ON EARTH DO YOU CALL IN WITH OUT LISTENING TO THE FUCKING SHOW?! You must've heard it AT LEAST ONCE! AND I GUARANTEE YOU HEARD SOME OTHER DB COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SAME PROBLEM YOU HAVE. I swear, I'm under the impression that Loveline requires at least one woman to call in per night to complain about orgasm. Another point I would like to make, is HOW DO YOU WOMEN NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO YOUR ORGASM PROBLEM?! COME ON. I MEAN, SERIOUSLY YOU ARE MAKING US LOOK BAD. And here is another question I have for you, why are you calling Loveline a talk show hosted by MEN for the answer to your body problems. YOU ARE DUMB. AND TO QUOTE ANTOINE DODSON "YOU ARE REALLY DUMB, FO'REAL". Get a new question, I'm sick of hearing the same thing over and over am losing faith in the female race as a result of this radio show.

Love,
Paulina


P.S. If you peeps have no idea what I'm talking about: http://www.lovelineshow.com/